Breakfast with an Old Friend

I've been feeling guilty lately for neglecting a promise I made to one of my friends, Jared. When I was living in Lake Forest Park and taking the bus to work each morning, I would often find him across the street from where I got off the bus. A good relationship developed over time and I'd get him breakfast and chat pretty often. He has an apartment in Seattle but no job. He's also got schizophrenia which likely explains the lack of employment even though he's a great guy. With a close family member also affected by schizophrenia I feel extra close to Jared's struggle. It takes so little to end up in a situation over which we have no control, especially with a condition like that. This could easily be my own family or myself asking for handouts on a street corner to make a living.

When I was seeing him a few times a week I had said that I would take him to the library and help him get set up so he could learn some computer skills. It never happened and now that I rarely see him I have been thinking about it a lot. So I took a detour on the way to work from the ferry docks this morning and walked past his corner, he wasn't there but half a block away I was very happy to run into him. We talked quite a bit, got some breakfast and talked some more. He is such a great guy it is depressing to think of him in his position. After he got his breakfast we sat down and he asked a blessing over his food and extended his prayer quite a bit with thoughts for me and my family. Unfortunately, I don't think I will have much to do with getting him to the library the way things are working out beyond encouraging him to get it done. In an attempt to not lose touch again I asked him if he had a cell phone. He used to have one but lost it. My mind was put a little at ease when he gave me his address so we could keep in touch via snail mail. Hopefully after a while of sending letters (I'll have to remember how to write those things...) and harping on him to get to the library he'll get set up and start emailing. Who knows, maybe he could pull off an online job and earn himself a more satisfying living. When I met him today he told me that he had just finished after making $30 and not wanting to be "greedy" by begging more than he needs...

Kind of a short post but maybe it'll get me writing more frequently again.

Morning Watch and a Meal

After a communication snafu that left me catching up with Tim and the Morning Watch van half an hour late this morning he had already picked up the lady we usually check in on at Westlake Center and we got her to the shelter for breakfast before heading off again.

I can't remember if I've mentioned this is an earlier blog but this lady has a severe addiction to something and has her good days and her bad days. On one of her better days she was telling me how she wanted to write a story about her life and how she was frustrated by the lack of resources to do so. I've been thinking about what it would take for her to get access to the technology to write her book and I realized that people used to write books before computers existed...I know, and I don't even have a degree in history or anything! It probably won't amount to anything but I think I'll bring her a notebook one of these days so she can start writing. I'll get one of those fancy looking ones that look like they're bound in leather or something so that maybe she feels different about it, or treats it better than her other possessions...and maybe that'll help get her focused on writing her life story like she wants to. Then, if she gets started, I'll be able to help her transcribe it electronically if she wants. I am doubtful that she'll be able to focus on it over her addiction well enough to make any headway but who knows, maybe all she needs is the means to do it and a little encouragement.

We didn't see anybody else until we got down to the waterfront where we met a man who just moved here from Boston a little over a week ago. He wasn't homeless in Boston most frequently, had been before though, but for whatever reason he chose to come here and start over. We found him wrapped in blankets on the stairs of Waterfront Park by the fountain. After we got him into the van he said that he'd been praying for help just before we got there, it's nice to think that we could be the hands and feet of God for some of these people who need help. We introduced him to the welcome center staff at UGM and he went in for breakfast. Hopefully they'll set him up with a bed and give him the help he needs to get off the street quick.

While driving back up under the viaduct we saw another friend of ours that we've brought coffee to on several occasions. He's severely disabled, both overweight (3-400+?) and missing a leg from poorly controlled diabetes and past drug use. He now gets around in a wheelchair and sleeps on the concrete. We got him some coffee and talked with his friend. They are heading down to Portland so that he can get some other care. I'm not sure what he can get down there that he can't get here...not sure they are sure either, sometimes it seems easier to grasp at straws than it is to accept reality and find a way to cope with it...though that is a harsh judgement of this situation because I really have very little information.
We helped the friend jump his van because the battery was completely dead and then we went on our way.

We saw a few more folks down at the waterfront but they just took some coffee, told us we should bring sack lunches with us and kept on sleeping for the most part. And that was the morning.

I headed down with a coworker to get lunch near the convention center today. I went to Subway and saw my old friend Marc begging outside the Cheesecake Factory again...he's there quite often. I had them double my order and brought him a sandwich. He's a bit of a talker and I didn't want to keep my coworker (who went to a different sandwich place) waiting so I just said hi, told him I couldn't chat and gave him his sandwich. He was very grateful and remembered the cake I had bought him. He felt bad he couldn't remember my name so we got re-introduced. He looked a little depressed when I told him it was a turkey sandwich, but if he doesn't want it I'm positive he'll find someone who'll eat it...I just didn't want to buy him another giant piece of cake! (which likely would have happened if I'd gone and asked him what he wanted because I can only put my foot down so hard).

Surprise opportunity

Usually I seek out my beneficiaries during lunch time or on my way home but today I was surprised by an opportunity to help a young man with lots of needs. Sammy flagged me down on my way to REI to prepare for a hike this weekend. When he asked for help I almost got to ask him if I could buy him food before he asked me if I could buy him some sandwiches from the little grocery store behind him for himself and his family. Of course I obliged and followed him in. We filled a basket with things for his family, including his mom, brother and his brother's kids and then got some change so they could do laundry.

Sammy told me that he will be turning 18 on the 3rd, the same day he'll be able to get his food stamps. He actually offered to pay me back in food stamps. He was an interesting person to talk with; he had no problem taking advantage of the help I was offering as it quickly got pretty expensive, but he was also very thankful and kind of still awkwardly embarrassed about the whole situation...that is to say that he wasn't the same kind of embarrassed that I've seen from other folks, but can't really explain the difference. He was also a bit frustrated with people in general as he'd apparently asked a lot of people for help before I happened along. I got a hint of a mental sickness but it could also have been simply a lack of education or just frantic communication skills but he definitely cared deeply for his family and is willing to do what he needs for them.

The thought did cross my mind that the whole thing could be a ruse, if it was then it was a successful one as he got quite a lot of food out of the deal, but talking with him and listening to him tell me about his family and their need for diapers, food and general hygiene products and the fact that he mostly just wanted food helped me feel that he was being genuine. If I think about it now, even if it were a 50:50 likelihood or even greater that I was being put on by a twisted punk, I would still help every time I could because the benefit gained by the person or family in need is far more valuable to me than the money potentially lost on a loser after some petty cash. As it is, I'm pretty confident that Sammy is an honest young man who I'll be praying for to find a way out of his predicament into a comfortable life for him and his family.

Sometimes we fail to help

Today after work I was on my way down to catch the bus and a tall homeless man stopped me kindly to ask for some help. He explained that his camp had been robbed and he'd had his sleeping bag stolen so he needed some money to get a new one. As usual I didn't have any cash to give the man so I apologized and asked if I could buy him dinner someplace instead. He wasn't interested in dinner and fixated on cash for the sleeping bag asking me if I could find a cash machine somewhere to get him some money. So many feuding desires and thoughts. I had no reason to doubt the man; he did not seem to be under the influence of anything - and I'm getting better at telling on a whim but I'm sure I'm not as good at it as I think I am. Still, having worked through the whole cash issue in my head, and in my blog, to a certain degree before this interaction, helped me decide quickly and rather comfortably, however still not happily, that I would not give the man money...especially not in the amounts necessary to help him purchase a sleeping bag. So I opted to give him some alternatives instead of getting him money.

I asked him if he knew about the Union Gospel Mission Men's Shelter and told him that they would be able to help him for the night and get him some warm things. Unfortunately, and I've run into this quite often throughout the city, he has been barred from not only UGM but from all the homeless shelters in the city. I'm still not quite sure how the system works but certain actions can get one barred for life while others warrant a stern warning that can lead to barring if it's not heeded. In any case, the shelters were not an option to him - this still troubles me but there's nothing I can do about it now so it is a problem for another day.
Next I made sure that he knew about the Search and Rescue vans that the UGM shelter sends out, though I imagine he is more knowledgeable about them than I am, because the volunteers in those vans will help anyone with a need without regard to where you've been barred. From these vans I told him he could obtain blankets enough to keep him warm. When he said he already had some blankets but they weren't warm enough I just maintained that he could get more if he needed them. Finally he thanked me and walked off. I said I was sorry I couldn't help more and headed for my bus.

In the end I can't help feeling a little suspicious that he wouldn't accept any of the help I offered, but was entirely focused on what he wanted, cash. But as I think about it more, it's probably just an instance where I really didn't offer him anything at all...except dinner. Frankly, he probably knew about all the programs I mentioned and I was basically wasting his time, and him mine. Some people don't want the help we can give and that's just the way it is. All that's left for these folks is prayer, then we have to move on because there will always be more people that are eager to accept whatever meager assistance were're capable of providing...or willing to provide.

Late night posts are always the best, I hope there's a sentence or two in there that makes sense. :)

More Fun with Marc

I knew I recognized him but didn't remember our previous encounter until we had gotten into the Cheesecake Factory. Marc is as boisterous, good humored and thankful as I remember from when we walked to the McDonald's together last month.

When I asked him if I could buy him dinner this evening he immediately suggested McDonald's again, he evidently likes that place so much I don't know why he doesn't stay closer to one! Since he was standing outside the Cheesecake Factory I suggested that we could just go there and he quickly affirmed that as a good suggestion. We went in and the wait staff was polite and respectful, if initially a little hesitant. Unfortunately Marc insisted that all he wanted was a slice of Reese's Peanut Butter Cheesecake and a coffee. All I accomplished by trying to convince him to get something for dinner was to end up getting him two slices of cake instead of just one. He was extremely excited and kept telling me just how much he loves cake, which kept a smile on my face.

Just like last time, he kept asking if I had any cash or change but all I had were a couple of old bus tickets which he happily accepted. I almost want to say that he seems greedy for anything anybody will give him, it's a strange and inappropriate association, and I can't quite explain how I mean it, but that's just the feeling I got talking with him.

It was fun to see Marc again, he remembered our trip to McDonald's and was grateful for the help, almost to excess. I will look forward to running into him again...though I'm not sure how much good it does him to get a couple slices of cake for dinner, but you can't argue with the happiness factor ;)

In other news, I spent last night at a fundraiser for Street Soccer Seattle. They use "Soccer for Social Change" and seem to have a lot of fun with it. Roger Levesque, Lamar Neagle and Brian Meredith were there signing autographs, they had indoor games going all evening, other small soccer related games, a raffle and a silent auction, in which I scored a signed pic of Mr. Steve Zakuani himself!

It was a great evening and I hope it was a success as they are trying to send their Seattle team to DC for the championships this year. Street Soccer Seattle has a team of homeless youth that plays soccer in a league with other homeless teams, as well as pickup games within their communities. It's a great way to build confidence, trust and teamwork in many young folks who've likely never experienced these most basic parts of the human existence. From what I can see, they love every minute of the soccer and the attention.

I've only made it out to one of the pickup games prior to this fundraiser but I'm really looking forward to many more. Check out their website: http://streetsoccerseattle.org/ and send 'em a donation if you have the means because its a great organization. Even though it, admittedly, isn't a stand alone solution to homelessness, it's certainly a clever treatment of some of the tragic effects homelessness can have on these young people.

I'll leave updates about Morning Watch until next time. If you're enjoying my blog, please feel free to follow it and share it with friends. Thanks for reading!

Lent 2011 Part VI

What a great way to start the day. For the past 3 weeks Seattle's Union Gospel Mission has had a new program called Morning Watch. They have a van that they drive around the downtown area to pick up homeless people, give them some hot chocolate and offer to take them to the UGM for some breakfast. Local businesses can call a number to request the van to swing by if they have someone sleeping on their business' threshold. It's a great program that solves several problems with a simple, straightforward system that will hopefully grow with time.

What better way to spend a Good Friday morning than making it my first time volunteering for this great service from 7-9am. It was fun to offer a hand and some company to the guy who's been running it solo for the last few weeks -- a job that would be daunting at best and downright frightening at worst to have to start building relationships with complete strangers in environments that are...not conducive to chit chat. I met several very nice people, most of whom already knew of the service and have come to expect at least the hot drink if not a ride to breakfast. We gave 3 people rides to different places including taking one person to breakfast. The hot chocolate was a big hit, though a couple of the people were much more interested in whether we had socks to give them...it seems with Seattle's general dampness the feet of the homeless suffer more than the rest of them. I think they are going to look into carrying some of those supplies along with us in the van sometime in the future.

Walking back to work I didn't run into anybody needing breakfast so I actually didn't get to buy anybody a meal this week - though I still have to go to work tomorrow so we'll see - but I figure the Morning Watch is a satisfactory filler. I definitely plan on continuing this project since, well, I don't think I could stop now that I feel my eyes have been opened to a problem that I can actually help. I'll try to keep up a blog once a week or so. Thanks for reading and have a happy Easter!

P.S. I'd get more in depth and artsy with the writing but Zakuani just had his leg broken by a jerk in Colorado and I'm in a bad mood now...

Lent 2011 Part V

Yesterday I went to McDonalds with Marc, a very enthusiastic old man who has been on the street for a long time. When I asked him if I could buy him dinner he literally jumped, "sure!" He tossed his empty paper change cup nonchalantly into the street and started toward McDonalds.
On the way, he asked me where I'd come from and why I would want to buy him dinner. He said, "what, do I look poor or something?" I pointed out that he had been asking for money and told him that I just didn't think he deserved to be out here begging and this is the smallest thing I can do to help. He responded by asking me if he could get a milkshake, he was dying for a milkshake. I told him of course, he could order anything he'd like. He asked my name and we introduced ourselves with a handshake.

On the way to the "restaurant" (I don't like taking people to McDonalds apparently...) he was very fixated on how he could get any cash out of the transaction. I had to tell him 3 times I didn't have any cash and then I had to explain that I wouldn't be able to get cash back during the transaction because I'd be using a credit card. I could have used my debit card I suppose but I got a funny feeling about the way he was asking and it made me want to not give him cash. I realize that my hesitations are silly if not entirely unfounded. It is the ultimate conundrum of giving: what will the person do with the money I give them? My response to this question, if I'm to give the person anything at all, has to be, "I don't care." For in the best of circumstances I will simply never know what they will do.
I definitely have a prejudice against giving money to beggars who are smoking a cigarette or holding a sign saying they need the money for booze. I can't bring myself to help these people who so desperately need help because I don't want to enable their unhealthy habit. However, to use Marc as a hypothetical example, say that he was trying to get some extra cash out of my dinner so that he could go buy drugs, alcohol or cigarettes. My contribution, dinner, while not exactly the money he will use to buy said items will still help him obtain them because he won't have to use the money other people give him to buy dinner. Recognizing this, I have to decide right up front if I'm going to give people handouts regardless of what they may do with them or not. In the end, because of my Catholic duty and just a feeling that it's the right thing to do, I conclude that I should give and I should give unconditionally and without prejudice. I suspect knowing this won't make it easy but it is what it is.

Marc is probably in his 60s with a full grey beard and, though he told me he was wearing 3 shirts and a jacket, I could distinctly see the outline of his back and shoulderblades. He was polite, if a little unpracticed at being so, and made it a point to remember my name when I took my leave.

This post is already a bit rambly so I may as well add one more random thought I had about this process. I've been thinking about the potential negative physiologic effects my project might have on the homeless people I'm trying to help. I suspect that most people living on the streets have some idea of their allergies and foods they should avoid. However, there is a risk of introducing someone to a substance they have a bad reaction to when I take them to a restaurant they've never been to before and potentially eat food they've never had before. Not something to prevent me from taking people out but definitely something to be aware of. Beyond that, there is diet to consider as well. It may not always be the most healthy thing for someone who has been living out of a trash can on sauce packets and moldy, stale leftovers to suddenly be taken to the Cheesecake Factory, for example, and fed a 9oz steak. I don't know if there is any threat to their system under these circumstances but it's something I feel I should do some research on before I end up doing more damage than good to someone who's got enough problems already.

Thanks for reading, I'm enjoying the project and this blog has been one more thing I look forward to as an incentive to find people to help. I hope you're all having a great week.

Lent 2011 Part IV.V

Blake, Leslie and their beautiful, healthy 9mo old pit bull Iree (had to get the names down before I forgot them). After a dissapointing day in the lab I was happy I spotted these young travellers just before I stepped on my bus to head home. They appear to be travellers by choice, taking advantage of their youth to see the country. They are on their way down to Arizona to visit friends and thaw out a bit before heading back to central Oregon or back around here.
They decided they wanted to go to Subway which is quickly becoming my default place. If they hadn't had a dog with them I would have tried to take them to The Cheesecake Factory which is right near there but I didn't think that would work with their puppy. With a little arm twisting they both gratefully got foot longs and a pop. We passed the time waiting in line by talking about diabetes in general and a bit about my research. And I got to reassure them that there is nothing to be concerned about regarding nuclear waste exposure in the rain over here from the tragedy in Japan. Something they'd been somewhat worried about since they spend 24/7 outside...thank you sensational news outlets for giving these people one more thing to trouble over.
I will be praying that they get down to Arizona safely.

Lent 2011 Part IV

This morning there was a well bundled individual with a very detailed sign and a walker sitting on the ground at the corner where I get off the bus. I'm hardwired to get across the street right after exiting the bus, so I didn't even see the person until I got across the street to wait for the next walk signal. I worked my way back and under the ragged and dirty but abundant winter clothes was an approximately 40 year old man. Pitted, cracked and brown with plaque, the teeth that formed his otherwise nice and pleasant smile looked absolutely excruciating to have in one's head.

I asked him if I could buy him some breakfast. I listed a few of the places in the vicinity (I really should do some research on options around here) but he said he'd eaten breakfast already at the shelter and would only like some black coffee from the Starbucks a few shops away to keep him warm. I went and got it for him as it would have been a hassle for him to get there with his walker and all his things. It made me glad I'm not a coffee drinker...the line in there was crazy! I brought him his coffee, he thanked me and I went on my way.

This man and the people I've had the opportunity to speak with before have all been so calm and grateful. I must admit I anticipated a bit more of a challenge when I started doing this and I'm trying not to let myself be caught off-guard in the future when I will inevitably have an experience with someone who is harder to talk to; someone more bitter about their situation, without the psychological ability to control who or what that bitterness is directed toward. I suppose I expect this behavior because I can't imagine what I would do in their situation. I can see myself not being as gracious as the people I've encountered so far, though I'd obviously like to be...who can know for certain without actually being put in their shoes.

Just a coffee hardly satisfies my Lenten commitment for the week so I should be posting another reflection later today or this week.  Thanks for reading :)

Lent 2011 Part III

I remembered a brief experience I had several months ago. While I was on jury duty I was walking to a pizza place I had gone to the day before during lunch and passed a man asking for money. I didn't have any cash and I had a whole hour for lunch so I asked him if he'd like to get some pizza with me. We walked several blocks together in an awkward silence and he got his pizza and took it outside to eat alone. This was the first time I had done anything beyond giving someone money so I think that maybe this experience is what gave me the idea to pursue it as a Lenten project.

Today, with leftovers for lunch, I didn't meet anyone until I was on my way home at 5pm-ish. As I exited the convention center, through which I walk on my way to the bus, I saw someone with a cardboard sign and a fox tail across the street. Initially I convinced myself that I was too tired and could always do this tomorrow and I continued to the bus stop a couple blocks away. As I waited for the bus I was realizing that I was trading the 15 minutes or so to get someone food for a tiny bit of comfort for myself. There were a lot of people waiting for the bus so I decided to leave it up to chance...if there wasn't room on the next bus that showed up I would go back and get them lunch. When two 312s showed up I was able to laugh at how ridiculous I was being trying to justify and finagle my way around this commitment I'd made so I crossed the street and started my way back.

Right across the street I ran into a Vet, as his sign read, sitting on the ground asleep at a corner with a plastic cup in front of him. I thought about it and decided to let him sleep, I felt I'd already picked who I was going to go to. Just across the street there was a young man who's sign said he was just trying to get home, I decided to ask him if I could get him something from Subway and he walked with me. He told me that he was trying to get home to someplace in California, I didn't catch the city name. He was pretty nice, very thankful and very annoyed at his friends who had "abandoned" him up here. He said he wasn't used to the weather.

I had the sandwich maker double his meatball sandwich with chipoltle sauce and a coke (It seems he'd had occasion to order the same thing earlier in the day so they knew what he wanted already) and brought the second sandwich to the first person I'd seen with the tail. Evidently the two knew each other, siblings?, as he followed me over and started talking with the girl with the tail. They both thanked me and I ran off to narrowly miss the 522. Hopefully they make it home alright.

Lent 2011 Part II

It took me at least 15 minutes walking around downtown today to find anybody in need of lunch. The gentleman I found was a very homeless African American about my age or a little younger. He was in the process of getting lunch out of a trash can in Westlake Park. As I approached behind him he opened one of those dipping containers of ranch dressing and started licking it out.

I asked him if I could buy him lunch and he said okay. I said he could go anywhere he wanted and he suggested McDonalds...I mentioned a place around the corner I hadn't been to but silently figured it had to be better than McDonalds and he said that sounded good so we went to Georgio's Subs  He looked fairly healthy but he must have had a leg injury because he walked very slowly. At first I didnt' know if he was just trying to not embarrass me by walking next to me but when I slowed down, his pace didn't change and I finally noticed a very slight limp. He got a meatball sub but they didn't have coffee so we went next door to get him a cup of black coffee.  

I left him with $10 because I wanted to keep him out of the trash can for at least one more meal...but his situation still leaves me feeling sick and depressed...not that I hadn't seen other people doing the same thing before...  Nobody deserves to live off my trash.  His demeanor was definitely not inviting me to eat with him, though I didn't ask.  Now I find myself near tears as I sit down to lunch and open my packet of starburst with my egg salad sandwich -- I realized on my way back up the hill to work that it's Friday and I'd ordered a turkey sub for myself so I stuck it in the fridge and went across the street to get another, more appropriate, sandwich (no meat).

I don't know what to say about today's experience. I'm overwhelmed by the need to keep doing this more and more and at the same time I know I can't afford to do it too much, or even much more than I am right now to be honest...money sucks. It's a strange feeling but it seems like it's a lot harder, emotionally and materialistically, to give to someone with great needs than it is to give to someone with moderate needs.

Even failblog is failing to cheer me up right now...which, I suppose, is a good thing.

Lent 2011 Part I

A few days late but, Happy Lent everybody.  For Lent I'm trying something a little different. I was going to keep it personal but maybe it's better if I share my experiences.

At least once every week I am going downtown to find someone on the street asking for money and buying them lunch.

My first attempt last week was a major fail.  I was waiting for the bus to go home from work and a woman came up to me with a ragged paper cup, in tears, asking for money.  At the same moment my bus showed up and so I was distracted.  I don't carry cash, I told her so, appologized and got on my bus.  Only then did I realize what an opportunity I'd missed to get a good start on my Lenten promises so I got back off my bus and wandered around several blocks looking for her but didn't see her again.  Hopefully someone else was good enough to give her some money so she was inside somewhere getting what she needed.

The next day, eager after my failure, I found a young guy, probably about my age, who had just hitch hiked from Montana. He didn't want to leave his corner because someone else had promised to bring him some money after going to an ATM so I brought him some pizza slices and pop and he was very thankful.

Then last week on my way back from the Beat The Bridge team captain meeting (shameless plug: please join my team!  www.beatthebridge.org/goto/bri) I tried to ask an old man if he'd like lunch.  I learned then that, in fact, beggars can be choosers...I felt bad afterwards for not trying harder but he didn't want to walk with me but about 20 minutes the other direction to the waterfront for lunch.  I guess he probably makes enough on that corner to buy himself whatever lunch he wants.  He spat prolifically when he talked too so I wasn't exactly unhappy to move on at the time.  Now it depresses me to think how easily I lose my resolve.

Today I found a gentleman I'd seen on his corner many times before. I took him to One Union Square and he picked the first restaurant I mentioned (he couldn't see well), Blue Water Taco Grill. He was probably in his late 40s though he looked near 60. His cardboard sign told me that he was a Vet so I asked him about it and he told me that he spent 12 years in the navy before being discharged after one too many bar fights with "those Marines...always looking for a fight." He was very mild mannered, thankful and kind.

I'm still working my way into being comfortable with this but I think I'll try to step it up next week and see if they want to eat with me as well. I think the interpersonal aspects of this whole thing may be more valuable to them than the lunch.

More to come, I suppose, as Lent progresses.